My Story | My Journey
Updated: Feb 20, 2020
I was born and raised in Southern California with amazing and loving parents and family. I was an athlete, singer and all that jazz. From the looks of it, I had a pretty amazing life. Ha! I should've pursued an acting career because that's what everyone thought - until I ended up in the ICU from an intentional overdose and attempted suicide.
My wonderful childhood was unfortunately tainted by my grandfather who molested me (during summer visits in Canada) for much of my younger years - until I was old enough to realize what was going on.
That realization would be the beginning of years of denial, shame, anger, and confusion. I begged to forget. I wished every day that it was just a bad dream. At 20 years old, I wrote a suicide letter and took a combination of pills that doctors said should've killed a grown man. I was lucky to be alive - which was completely opposite of how I felt.
I was forced to tell my parents what led me to do such a terrible thing, they were completely and utterly blind-sighted and heartbroken. I thought, "What if they don't believe me?" which was followed by, "F*ck it, could it possibly get ANY worse? No." Luckily, my amazing parents believed me and a phone call between my dad and grandfather (while not fully admitting), he said: "Tell her, I'm sorry."- I'll never forget those words. Those four simple words released me from years of denial and imprisonment.
Soon after I moved to Las Vegas, Nevada ( a.k.a Sin City - ironic, I know ) to be with my mother, for a fresh start. Numerous counselors and therapists later, I was still stuck in that darkness, shame, and shadow. They couldn't give me any pills (for obvious reasons) and talk therapy, books, and mantra's on sticky notes weren't doing anything for me.
About a year after I moved to Las Vegas, Nevada I was introduced to Ayahuasca. After numerous long and dreadful therapy sessions, I was desperate to get better and the thought of drinking some jungle medicine and receiving years of therapy and healing in those 6 hours was definitely my cup of tea.
About 7 years ago, I met this beautiful Shaman (who was an apprentice at the time) - in all places: Sin City. They, as in the medicine Ayahuasca and Kat, saved my life. Every ceremony I dove deeper into the places I buried for so long ago. I remembered EVERYTHING. The room with the yellow wall, the sound of the doorknob turning, the smell of coffee and cigarettes on his breath... I mean everything. She (Ayahuasca) can be brutally in your face and dark at times, which I am forever humbled and grateful for. I, fortunately, had Kat for the first year or so as my Spiritual Counselor & Integration Coach until she moved away for a few years, which now looking back was exactly what I needed at the most perfect time.
It's always perfect, even if it doesn't seem like that at the moment.
The next few years was truly my unfolding, my healing, my becoming, my REBIRTH. I sat with a few different groups and shamans over the course of those following years. All of whom I am forever grateful for. I'll start off by saying that Ayahuasca is not easy work, and it is definitely not for everyone (IMHO). It is deep, sometimes dark and terrifying, but so powerfully beautiful. It's truly life-changing, and in my case life-saving.
Most of my twenties were filled with a lot of soul searching and healing, but also a lot of partying, recreational drugs, alcohol abuse, hiccups, and lessons. I was a broken girl who attempted suicide, turned model/cocktail waitress at the biggest day and nightclubs in Las Vegas just living her best life (or at least trying to), to oddly and painfully having a corporate job for a few months, to where I'm at now - working closely with various sacred plant and animal 'medicines' - serving one of the most masculine and intense ones, Kambo. Even I can't help but giggle and be extremely grateful for this journey, all the highs and all the lows that brought me to where I'm at now, and where I'll continue to go. My relationship with all of those vices has changed greatly, thanks to Pachamama's sacred gifts.
Peru | Homecoming
In 2016, in the heart of Sacred Valley, Peru I was given a congratulatory welcome from Mother Ayahuasca during a ceremony. She said to me: "Welcome to the home of the medicine but more importantly welcome back home to you. All versions of you. Be proud, be brave, stand strong. Share your story, share your light - because that is your purpose, that is your gift to humanity."
The day after that glorious Ayahuasca ceremony is when I met beloved Huachuma: Sacred San Pedro, Cactus Medicine. Boy, do I love this Huachuma! Talk about a heart opener, my heart was blasting out of my chest with joy and love, my cheeks hurt from 12+ hours of laughing and crying - it was absolutely amazing.
What led me to the Sacred Kambo Frog Secretion?
Since I could remember, I've had many health issues starting at an early age, which I now know had to do a lot with my childhood trauma. Chronic UTI's, eczema, severe allergies, digestive issues, hormone imbalance, weak immune system - you name it. During my trip to Peru, I overheard a conversation about Kambo and my curiosity got the best of me. I had planned to join a Kambo circle while I was there, but that didn't work out.
When I got back home to Las Vegas, Nevada I started to notice frogs everywhere. I thought, “If I could find Ayahuasca in the States, I could surely find Kambo here too.” Low and behold, I found a Kambo in Las Vegas. I had now found my greatest teacher: Ayahuasca and my greatest healer: Kambo in Las Vegas, who would have thought!
I immediately dove into an inoculation, which is three sessions within a moon cycle. Some tribes, practices, and practitioners (including myself) believe in the power and magic of this. My first Kambo inoculation completely shifted my health, my mind, body, and spirit. I was absolutely blown away. I felt healthier than I ever had. I had a huge increase in energy, my metabolism, immune system, and stamina were off the charts. With time, integration, aftercare and maintenance Kambo sessions, I was no longer sick or getting sick. I quickly understood why Kambo was referred to as the “Vaccine of the Forest.”
A year later I was invited to a small, intimate Kambo Practitioner Training with IAKP. I didn’t really know what I was doing or if I even had intentions of being a Practitioner, but I was grateful for the opportunity to learn and understand another sacred “medicine” that saved my life.
Everything always comes full circle. A month or so after I passed and completed my training, my beloved Ayahuasca Shaman and Spiritual Life Coach (Kat) had moved back to Las Vegas (WHAT?! I mean, I can’t make this stuff up). In her 13 years of apprenticing and then serving Ayahuasca, she had never worked with Kambo, although it’s always been around her. Here I was, a girl whose life she saved years ago, was now serving her Kambo for her first time.
Since then, her and her amazing medicine partner, whom I absolutely love and adore have been my teachers, mentors, sisters, and family. This isn't our first lifetime together, I'm sure of it! Together we share the love and magic with those who feel called to step into this sacred path and journey.
I'm not ashamed of my past and I don't feel the least bit sorry for myself for the things that happened to me beyond my control. In fact, I'm pretty damn proud of myself for doing the work, for showing up for myself and now others, by using my story, and journey to help others help themselves. What didn't kill me, really did make me stronger. I am proud, so grateful, humbled and ridiculously happy for my life journey thus far.
An immense amount of love, respect, and gratitude for you all.
Update since original post: I was at the Route 91 shooting on October 1, 2017 and working with these sacred medicines helped me heal the trauma and PTSD from that horrific day. I’ve sat in over 100+ Ayahuasca ceremonies, currently assisting and apprenticing. I am an Advanced Kambo Practitioner and a Spiritual Life & Psychedelic Integration Coach - helping others heal their mind, body & spirit through plant medicine, sound healing, and holistic lifestyle changes. As for my grandfather? He's currently alone in some nursing home, with little contact to any of our family. Last I heard he suffered a stroke... and get this: he's paralyzed from the waist down. Talk about Karma.
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